ME jokes
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
Do it
My name is Justin. I like dick. Lit? Let me eat you out like?
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: A broken pencil.
Friend: A broken pencil who?
Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Hey guys! It's Triple G. You can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes, as those are the jokes I specialize and only do best on in the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements, as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)
Au revoir, GGG
I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆
I was wondering why the tennis ball was getting bigger 🤔
Then it hit me 🤧😂
Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!
Me. I am the joke.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?