ME jokes

Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."