ME jokes

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

The lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!

Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!

Mom: ❓❓❓

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.