ME jokes

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!

Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!

Mom: ❓❓❓

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.