ME jokes
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.
Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!
I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
Me when I go crazy :
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?
pOOp
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂