ME jokes

Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.

Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.

Clarie: It was painful!

Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.

Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!

Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?

Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!

Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

Like this post and comment down below if you want me to announce my real name in my next post!

Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.

Shrek- Should I pull the trap?

*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*

LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

It's a tower.

No, it's a plane.

Me: Nope, it's 9/11.

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.