ME jokes

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.