ME jokes
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.
Orphan: Go on then.
Me: Your family tree.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!