ME jokes

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

Give me the most likes on this site.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

Me nan.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.