ME jokes

El, can you grab me that bow?

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"

Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.

Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"

Poettschke: "Please get away from me."

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Julius Caesar & Tork Poettschke at the doctor's office:

"The doctor has now sent me the bill."

"Make him aware of his duty of confidentiality!"

Who is going to start the robot takeover? Me.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Me.

Me who?

Not me.

I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.