ME jokes
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
Memes
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
What do orphans play on Roblox?
Adopt Me.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...
...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.