ME jokes

Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.

I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

Me die.

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?

My enemy: Uh, no, why?

Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.

Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Utah.

Utah who?

You're talking to me.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.