ME jokes

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

Couldn't be me being an orphan.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

Mum: Why are you throwing a paper plane at the twins?

Me: 😈

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."

Somebody asks me: How many YT subs you got?

Me: More than you!

I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.