ME jokes

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

Jada Smith: Grow some balls!

Me: Grow some hair!

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?

"Don't push me."

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

"Bully," omg, that girl is so ugly.

"Me," Wait, what...ever.

What do you call a failure in another language?

Me.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.