ME jokes
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Me: It's so sad Ironman died of ligma. You: What the heck is an Ironman? Me: Ligma balls. "snap" ^kaboom^
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
What did the seal say to the shark?
"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"