ME jokes

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.

Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

"Giggety, giggety." Lois, give me your titties.