ME jokes

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.

Lucky for me I'm only 210.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

Jk: Jimin, why are you so small?

Jm: Excujjimi?

Jk: No offense, Jim.

Jm: Yah, call me hyung!

Jk: But I'm bigger.

Jm: I'm older!

Jk: I'm the top and you're the bottom, so I don't think it's right to call you hyung.

Jm:......

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

What did the egg say to the other egg?

"You crack me up!" 😂

Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?

"Hey, look at me, I'm stupid named Jordan C who won't shut up and leave Addison alone."

"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"

Akeld, just want you to know: Leave me and Gwen alone.

Real me.

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.