ME jokes

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.

Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.

Teacher: What kind of appointment?

Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 😈😈😈

True story.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

What do you call a lesbian? Me.