ME jokes
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
exactly
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
Why is Lucas so weird? I don't know, you tell me.
Follow me if you know someone smart.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
I like strippers on me.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?