ME jokes

What is an orphan’s favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me!

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.