ME jokes

Stereotype

    • Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

    Women, go chop some lumber!

    White people, get back into the cotton fields!

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    • Scar

    • I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

    Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

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    • Depression

    • Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

    Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

    Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

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    • Weakness

    • Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

    Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

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    • ME memes

    Wife

    • My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

    I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

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    • Cannibal

    • How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

    You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

    You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

    He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

    You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

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    • Nut

    • Me: How do cowboys say hello?

    Friend: Howdy.

    Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

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    • Kid

    • One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

    His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

    Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

    Shot

    • A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.

    The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.

    The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.

    9 years later......

    All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.

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    • LGBTQ

    • I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

    And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

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    • Man

    • A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

    I have no idea how he knew.

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    • Coffin

    • Me: Good night, everyone.

    My friends and family: Night.

    Me: *gets in coffin*

    My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

    My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

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