ME jokes

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!

What time do you call me tomorrow?

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

Me: Hey, I’m your mom.

Orphan: Yay, you came back!

Me: Sike!

I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.

And then it hit me.

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?