ME jokes
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?
A: Me time.
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
The joke is me.