ME jokes
What is an orphan’s favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me!
I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.
Teacher: What kind of appointment?
Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 😈😈😈
True story.
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.