ME jokes
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Memes
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
What does 6 tell 7?
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
:me😐