ME jokes

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

An orphan's favorite Roblox game is Adopt Me.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!

After I see an anime boy acting cool,

Me at school acting cool:

My brothers: "He's just acting cool."

Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

Wanna come hang out with me?