ME jokes

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

Person: You're so ugly.

Me: You ugly.

Person: I'm not a mirror.

Me: And I'm not your reflection.

I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.

People: (arguing about stopping orphan jokes since they aren't funny).

Me: (m e h. i d o n t c a r e)

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

Bully: I wasn't talking to you.

Me: Then why are you listening?

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.