ME jokes
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?
Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: Excuse me?
Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.
By the way, he was an orphan.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Now you must answer me with toaster memes so I can give them to The Omnissiah
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Me: What do you call an orphan?
Friend: Homeless.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Yes, sir.
Four big guys and they grab on my thighs. Blow up my guts like the 4th of July. If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry. Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.
He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin'. Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan. When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing. Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin'? He said yeah I'm not leavin'.
I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin'. Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby. That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven. Hawkin' f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC. Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston. Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'.
Bitch, hop on the dick do a split. Shout out Lil Baby. My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' on him if he don't have tits. I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz.
There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs. They blow my guts like the 4th of July. If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry. There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.
Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole. Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso. Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh). But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that. Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden. The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden.
Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat. I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet. And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap. And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets. And I'm beatin' on my meat.
Bitch. We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs. And they gon' bust on my eyes.