ME jokes
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
If I die, does my depression die with me?
I made a website for orphans.
Silly me, I forgot the home page.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Girl: I’m so in love with you!
Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.
Girl: What’s the ijk?
Boy: I’m just kidding.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?