ME jokes

Dumb person: Wat idk mean?

Person 1: I don’t know.

Dumb one: Oh u don’t know okie I ask Googol.

Person 1: Wait idk means--

Dumb one (to Googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN?

Googol: I don’t know.

Dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!

Doctor: Sit down for a minute.

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

"Between you and me, something smells!"

A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.

The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

Person: You're so ugly.

Me: You ugly.

Person: I'm not a mirror.

Me: And I'm not your reflection.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.