ME jokes
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MFđ đ¤Łđ
Itâs me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
Memes
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What did Mars say to Saturn?
"Give me one of your rings!" đ
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Whatâs the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didnât beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because Iâm not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I donât care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Whyâd you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"