ME jokes
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
Hi... I'm depressed.
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
type shizz
Desmend: FLY
Draco: FLY
Me: DIE
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?
Sure, just tell me how to put on a mask.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.