ME jokes
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Memes
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
If I die, does my depression die with me?