ME jokes

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

¡Hola, soy Dora!

Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩