ME jokes

What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?

I haven't been caught.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Girl: I’m so in love with you!

Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

Girl: What’s the ijk?

Boy: I’m just kidding.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

Follow me.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

¡Hola, soy Dora!

Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!