Marriage

Marriage jokes

Picture

    • Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

    Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

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    • Explorer

    • Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

    By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

    I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

    During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

    Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

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    • Marriage memes

    Kitchen

    • Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

    Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

    Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

    Vampire

    • Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

    Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

    Birthday

    • There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

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    • Lemonade

    • You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

    Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

    But at least lemonade came out!

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    • Dentist

    • Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

    Patient: “OK.”

    Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

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    • Bean

    • How many beans are there in Irish chili?

    Answer: 239

    Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?

    Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."

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    • Husband

    • Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.

    She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.

    The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,

    "Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."

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