Marriage jokes

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

I miss my wife, Tails.

What did the feather say to his wife?

You light my day.

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.

Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny.

Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

I'm Joe Biden's husband.

What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!