Marriage jokes

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.

What did the feather say to his wife?

You light my day.

I miss my wife, Tails.

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.

Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny.

I'm Joe Biden's husband.

What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.