Marriage jokes
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Me say, "Crack my finger."
My hubby crack my finger.
Now say it backwards.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!
Why is the divorce rate among socks so high?
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.