Marriage jokes
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Reasons
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife? The first is easier to bury.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.