Marriage jokes
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
My wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!
Cameron and Pav.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was tiers.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.