I said to my wife that she's that ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back
Man and woman are having a discussion. Woman looks into man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . ".
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in".
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
zozo laughed at his wife for her husband being a hobo
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!
Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
Technoblade never got a wife.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water ' His wife asked what that for. it is for your headache i dont have a headache
he smiles gotcha!!!!
i hate my wife. * cue laugh*
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Julius’s wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
