Marriage Jokes

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? -- Because they change theirs more often.

Roses are red violets are blue YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

Grandma: young people your age are married by now,why aren’t you?

Me: old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."

what do you call it when you get married in panera bread

panera wed

How do emos propose

Would you like to join my family tree

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.

But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”