What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I’m home!

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”

If you guessed “Marriage” your stupid. It’s miscarriage and don’t forget it. The joke never get’s old to him. Just like the baby.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”

What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.

Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.

A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, “all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world.” On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

i once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, “theyre all dead hookers ince theyre in the trunk.”

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage, he replied," Yes I’m very happy. We go on date night every week. The other man asked when? She goes on wednesday and I go on thursday

I like my marriages like I like my whiskey. On the rocks

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

Cameron and pav

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

Women are like Tornadoes

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini. The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him. The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

Before: Caring & Noble

After: Chernobyl

Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don’t even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍 After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

Me and my friends were talking. Then we got to talk about our wives. I said “So I married a valcono for a wife. You never know when she will blow up”

My marriage was on the rocks so I buried my wife under some.

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: ok. An hour later, the lady is at the mans house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: you are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.

A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles