My wife is a optimist our first night together she handed me a magnum xl condom. I didn’t know what to do so I made her a balloon animal 🎈 🦒
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
if your wife dies of child birth can you press charges on the baby
My wife left me and took the kids
American Says : "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..." Sardar ji Says : "Accha ,India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
Women are like Tornadoes
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? she didn't want to give him kids
why do jedis stay single?
because they use "divorce " (the force )
MAY DIVORCE BE WITH YOU!
when the husbon said you is your ass so big she said because im holding my shit
Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*
Who come when a orphan gets married, they are allowed back in family restaurants but when i go in alone I'm not allowed. I have some parents for god's sake
Wife: Honey, i love you
Husband: i love you all
Wife: awwww.......... Wait WHAT ?!?!??!
Cameron and pav
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Wife is texting husband- Honey if I give you 300 dollars will you stop being blind? husband-seilghsielguG Wife- seriously David Husband-fuweyadb
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty Woman and i said hi and quickly she said i am not interested I have a husband and when i saw the woman again she said i need help i said no Call you husband KARMA 😂😂😜
