Marriage Jokes

Three men die the same time and I'll go to heaven to go find St Peter St Peter says to them is going to be a long journey to heaven so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives we'll start with you Michael since you were quite the womanizer you and cheating on your on your wife multiple times you will be getting a Toyota the man embarrassed left in the Toyota Nolan you you were better you cheated on your wife twice so I will give you a Mercedes now for now as for you mark you never cheated on your wife you are an absolute saint so I will be giving you a Lamborghini and the Man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car and he and the Man in the Toyota what the hell is going on and the Man in the Lamborghini says I was through streets of Heaven and so my wife riding in roller skates

How did Stephen Hawking really die...his wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

does donald know his wife is mexican?

My wife still misses me...

But her aim is getting better!

My wife is a optimist our first night together she handed me a magnum xl condom. I didn’t know what to do so I made her a balloon animal 🎈 🦒

American Says : "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..." Sardar ji Says : "Accha ,India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

if your wife dies of child birth can you press charges on the baby

My wife left me and took the kids

Women are like Tornadoes

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality

A man and a woman get married. The woman was Retired hooker. The man was a poet. The man said as they did 69, you taste better than my most delecious gormet meal. The woman said, well you aren’t too bad either. But the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop. They dot divorced that night.

when the husbon said you is your ass so big she said because im holding my shit

why do jedis stay single?

because they use "divorce " (the force )

MAY DIVORCE BE WITH YOU!

why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? she didn't want to give him kids

Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!