Man Jokes

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky: You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that! The girl, showing her arm: Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer? there is sperm on the screen

a priest sees a man about to commit suicide the man says "I have nothing to live for here I will die go to heaven and get 72 virgins" then the priest says "no need for this I will take you to the local elementary school"

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the abcs and the other count to 10. Teacher: you can kill 2 birds with1 stone. Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head. Johnny at school: you can kill a bird and give a man a concusssion.

A blind man once told me, he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward. Well, let just say that I see his point.

what did the blind man say on Christmas? I can feel your presents!

A man once ate the left-side of a person one guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. the man eating him said "No... it's okay he's alright now."

what did the mans dick say to the man

i just cant "hand"le it

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

whats the definition of rude ?

sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife

Brown bear Brwn bear what do you see i see a blind man looking at me blind man blind man what do you see. Oh sorry i forgot you cant see.

an autistic man walks into a bra

whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food." When the man looked confused, the owner said; "Windows are nature's vending machine."

1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? - A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? - he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words... - “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance... - only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours... - lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.