Man jokes

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.

Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

Why do physically challenged gay men suck dick better than females who are able-bodied and heterosexual?

Because physically challenged gay men do it best! 👏 🙌 👍👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 🥰 😊 😃 😄 😁 😍 💖 ❤️ 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

Why did the gay man get raped?

He assed for it.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.