Man jokes

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.

What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?

"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸

cock teaser

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."