Man jokes
Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Memes
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.