Man jokes

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"

"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."

Why can’t an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.

During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!

Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

She walks away and says ok.

The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Okay, when I leave for ONE DAY something happens like people being sexist and men saying that women are weak (Which is Not True), AND rape. I hate hearing and really saying the word. Just stop with all this nonsense. I say rape and sexist and woman assault jokes should not be allowed. They are too cruel and mean to women. Most men are weaker than women. So don't anyone make anymore things or "jokes" about rape. Women are strong and don't be mean to them.

Sincerely, watersharky (How did I not misspell????)

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?

Bisexual.

Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.

Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

What do you call a man with no legs?

Neil (kneel)

What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?

🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨

What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?

A leaf.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.