Man jokes
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
I love big hot sexy men.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.
Man #2: My son died at level 4.
Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."