Man jokes
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
A man can form Jupiter girls came from Venus, and other genders came right from Uranus.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"