Man Jokes

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves??

Russell

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

A man hits a woman with his car. Whos fault was it? The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

A meme displaying five different options labeled A through E of items that can be chosen as a loadout. The text says, "You're being hunted in the woods at night by an unknown cryptid. Choose your loadout." Option A shows an assault rifle, body armor, a knife, and a pistol. Option B shows 5 silhouettes of men and weapons like torches, pitchforks and a baseball bat. Option C shows two priests, a cross, holy water and two lanterns. Option D shows three dogs, a gun, a bracelet, and a flashlight. Option E shows a muscular man, viagra, alcohol, and other random items.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?

Look at that dino-sour!

What Did Iran Say To Oman?

"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest, he goes to tell his wife. Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?

He got corn-ered!

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.

Man #2: My son died at level 4.

Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.

Why can’t an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?