Man jokes
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
What do you call a white man that can dance?
A faggot.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
A man said his bars are lit. I said no, because mine are fire.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"