Man jokes

Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?

Spit out the feathers.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

Woman: "Sure."

Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

Woman: "What do you think I am?"

Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?

He lost May.