Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
Man dies.
