Man

Man jokes

Hairline

    • There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

    On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

    So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

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    • Viagra

    • A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

    Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

    The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

    The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"

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    • Man memes

    Infidelity

    • Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

    Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

    I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

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    • Cheeseburger

    • I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

    But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

    Son

    • A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

    Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

    Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

    They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

    The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

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    • Song

    • What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”

    What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”

    What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”

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    • Doctor

    • A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

    The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

    The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

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    • Orphanage

    • One day, a man visited an orphanage.

    Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

    The kid cries even harder.

    Mississippi

    • Two Italian men get on a bus.

    They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

    The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

    "Emma come first.

    Den I come.

    Den two asses come together.

    I come once-a-more.

    Two asses, they come together again.

    I come again and pee twice.

    Then I come one lasta time."

    "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

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