A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Man Jokes
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?
What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
South Tower: Man, that was da bomb.
North Tower: No, that was da plane.
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
"Scoop pa tun manaa?"
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
