Make a jokes
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
What do you call a singer who can't make a song?
Taylor Swift.
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.
I'll call it Downtown.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.
I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!