Like jokes

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!