Like jokes

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."