Like jokes

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!