Like jokes

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.