Like Jokes

Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

1 like=1 more missile aimed at a hospital

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates? If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"

I slept like a log last night.......woke up in the fireplace

A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.

Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all! :D

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.

A couple is on their first date. Man: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently. Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

do you like wendys? when deez nutz are in your mouth

Why did the basketball player not get on the bus? Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂

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