Like jokes
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”