Like jokes

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!