Like jokes

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.