Like jokes

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.