I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
It was dinner in the plane and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner "What are my choices?"the passenger said.? "Yes or No," the flight attendant replied.
Boy 1: Sonic is a fictional character. Boy 2: Yeah, just like your dad.
Q: Can orphans hit a home-Run? A: No, they don't know what its like to have a home to run too.
Whats the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H" but we all know what one we would like to do.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:... You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
If this post gets 200 likes or comments I will show up in a mrbeast video
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
if you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! it cuts itself!
i had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet.. but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once
One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes. So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady. Like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount, I served in the war?" The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?" "Nein," said the old man.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people
But quite Anne frankly I'd be lying
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
So little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test, his mother and father gets home and he tells them " mom I failed my math test" his mother aggressively says "get the belt" Johnny says "why?" His mother says "im gonna spank you for failing" Johnny says "so just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night
Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said "lets play a game". so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says "A" little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself "well he might say something like a$$" so the teacher calls on sally. sally say "apple". the teacher says "B" little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though "no he might say something like b!tch". so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says "R" little Johnny raises his hand and say "me me please I really know one". then the teacher thinks to herself "well theres no cuss word that starts with R" so she said "ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R" little Johnny says "a rat!" and the teacher very pleased say "very good Johnny what type of rat" little Johnny says "A big gosh damn mother freaker". sorry I had to edit some word but y'all know what I meant.
