Like jokes

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

How is the world like dirt?

Because we don't think twice about it.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Withered Bonnie, more like Bonnie Mcnutt!

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!