Like jokes

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.