A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Like Jokes
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
