Like jokes
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
Family be like:
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.