Like jokes
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Your mom is gay, just like your dad.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
I like CHEESE!
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."