Like jokes

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why doesn't bread like warm weather?

It gets toasty!

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

No one has my back like my dad.

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

"Why am I ugly?"

Google would like to operate your camera.

What is your body like? Soft.

I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

Why do orphans like cows?

Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.

You fighting? More like you're dying!