Like jokes

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

Your hairline looks like the Antarctica waves.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Squirtle to Bulbasaur: "You kinda cum... like a baka..."

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!

Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"

"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."

What did the Deagle say to the G17?

"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."

Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.

Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

Yo head built like 2 parentheses.

This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.