Like jokes

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

"Addison, are you one of those kids who are very, very, very, very smart? Because you sound like one."

So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.

Yo mama looks like the dinosaur from Lilo & Stitch.

Ads? More like bads.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.

My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.

Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.

What do girl emos and boy emos have in common?

1. They both want to die.

2. They both cut to die faster.

3. They both listen to emo songs.

4. They like "I wanna die" song/"Miss wanna die."

If the sun had a kid, it would be like father, like sun. 🤓 😎

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

What is Batman like?

He is an orphan.

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

Why did the cow knock over Johnny?

Because the cow felt like to dumb.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.