Like jokes
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
Your hairline looks like the Antarctica waves.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Yo head built like 2 parentheses.
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.
Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.
Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.
Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Squirtle to Bulbasaur: "You kinda cum... like a baka..."
Your mum is stupid, just like you.