Like jokes
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
Ice cream is just like I scream.
TDS? More like STDs.
Your head looks like a joke.
Memes
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-