Like jokes
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!