Like jokes
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Think like a proton--stay positive!
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.