Like jokes
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
Like if you think oily men are hot.
I like zebras.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.