Like jokes

Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.

Your forehead built like Darkseid from DC.

How do two emo kids greet each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?

They both can throw a hook.

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Why do orphans love getting r@ped?

Because they want to know what love feels like.

What do you call lesbian twins?

Lick-A-Likes.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

Like if you love God and Jesus.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.