Like jokes
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Boys Experiments be like:
Why do orphans love getting r@ped?
Because they want to know what love feels like.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Like if you think oily men are hot.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
I like zebras.