Like jokes
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
How do two emo kids greet each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Your forehead built like Darkseid from DC.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
Like if you think oily men are hot.
Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"