Like jokes
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
Why do orphans love getting r@ped?
Because they want to know what love feels like.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Memes
what the earth would look live after a year of the moon slowing down:
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
Like if you think oily men are hot.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"
I like zebras.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.