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I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?

Because he doesn't listen to it!

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?

A: Because they like to come in a little behind.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...

Your penis!

This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.

Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?

They both jump in the toilet!

What would a clock look like with no numbers?

Timeless!