Like jokes
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
Charlotte looks like a sperm.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!