Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."
And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...
On the floor.
And died.
The end.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
who likes eating ass my lil pony
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Looks like he never charged up fully.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
