Like jokes

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

I like unicorns.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

I like my women like I like my chocolate.

Edible.

Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."