Like jokes
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
Charlotte looks like a sperm.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.