Law jokes
No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"
Memes
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.