Law jokes
I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?
Johnny in debt.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can get wanted.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.