Law jokes
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?
Johnny in debt.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can get wanted.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.