Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Why couldn’t the underage orphan get on an adult-only website? Because you need your parents' consent.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
If she’s old enough to breed, she’s old enough for me.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
Why did the orphan get sent to the principal's office?
Because he punched dumbos like you people!
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
