I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
